oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
