just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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