first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I currently don't understand fingers.
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