cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
