Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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