she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
