this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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