Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
