Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize