You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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