I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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