Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
