Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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