can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
