please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
