You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
