babies were throwing up all over the place
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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