So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
