She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize