watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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