He disabled his match.com account in front of me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
they're like a gay fantastic four
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
