What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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