i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
