we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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