It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
