:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
