i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
