We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
