Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Your penis caused this!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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