Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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