god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Randomize