why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
