Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
