im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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