return my video game
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She's the barista slut.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need moral support for this bender
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
