she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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