You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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