what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
this is an emotional support booty call
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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