Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
