I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
