Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Shame - the story of my life.
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