I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
