..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
