If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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