watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
