Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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