What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
