Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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