U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
