you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize