Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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