I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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