apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just found puke in my bra..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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