Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
