So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
