You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
