Its about making memories worth repressing
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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