I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
