im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Found the puke drawer
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
