I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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