That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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