oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
