i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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