Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
