I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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