Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
